Pre-TL;DR – I raised some money. Wanna help me raise some more? I’ll give you a fake mustache if you donate.
DONATE HERE: AmericanFryer
Hey, guess what!? I asked people for money, AND THEY GAVE IT TO ME! Well, not to me. That would be foolish. They gave it to people 1,000x times better than me.
So there are at least 9 people in this world that make me think that it’s not all Duck Dynasty and $1.29 items on the dollar menu. You can see them all here, and marvel at their benevolence.
But I think there is more of these benevolent lords and ladies. Loardiesords? Laddiords? Lordies? Yep. Lordies. Thanks for letting me workshop that, WordPress WYSIWYG editor.
Anyway, there’s more of you that want to give $$$ to flip a couple of Upside-Down Gresham Caramel Apples to Diabetes. So here’s my promise to every one of you who donates, and who has donated, from this moment forward, will receive a special gift. What is this gift? Well, lemme tell ya all about it.
I will be riding the “American Fryer” a 1986 Specialized Allez that was featured in the cinematic gem American Flyers. If you know anything about 1980′s bike movies, it’s as bad as you would expect. But if you know anything about Pre-Bull Durham Kevin Costner in this film, you know he sported a LEGENDARY MOUSTACHE in said film. So here’s the deal. If you donate to my effort to fight one of the biggest health threats facing folks on our pale blue dot, I will do the following:
- Affix a high-quality novelty moustache of your choosing from the following set to the tube appropriate to your donation level. $1-$25 = Seat Tube (because you’re supporting me), $25 – $100 = Top Tube (because you’re the Coliseum), and for > $100, you shall be the proverbial hood ornament, ridin’ on the HEAD TUBE!
- Route safety permitting (and if I am not to physically devastated to operate a smartphone) I will try to get a glamour shot of your particular bizzaro-Shenandoah.
- Upon completion of your moustache’s journey, I shall send you your hair-trophy, via the finest* postal service, to your residence, along with a very official-looking certificate, certifying the credentials of your mustache, and proclaiming your deep, burning hatred of Diabetes.
Do it for Costner. Do it for Brimley. JUST DO IT.™©