Hey @MayorPDX, Charlie Hayles!

Google just handed you a guaranteed re-election. I suggest you take them up on that offer.
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Marc Peruzzi: Shitty writer, skier bigot.

Got, I really need to stop doing this. I'm breaking my own rule of arguing on the internet (the rule is when you do it, you immediately lose. At life). But THIS INJUSTICE WILL NOT STAND, MARC PERUZZI! In response to this shitty, shitty editorial, "Can Snowboarding be Saved?" @ Outside Magazine Online: --begin rant-- This article. Wow. Just   ...WOW. I first strapped on skis in 1980, when I was 3. I tried snowboarding over the seasons of 1987-1989, and in 1990 I got my first board of my own, a BurtonAir, and have never looked back. But anecdotal evidence doesn't prove a point, and maybe Mark Peruzzi was asleep in Journalism 101, but he should know this too. Let's go to the tape, shall we?
"But I was already a passionate skier and never once considered giving it up."
Okay, you're off to a great start here as giving snowboarding a fair shake.
"It sounds like borderline bigotry to say it, but I have 'snowboarding friends.'"
Way to dodge that bullet there. Here's a writing pro-tip: when you say "It sounds like borderline bigotry" and then follow it up with weird qualifiers in quotation marks, you might as well go ahead and also say "Well, I'm not racist, but...". Guess what? YOU'RE A SKIER BIGOT, YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, AND THERE'S A SHIT TON OF YOU. I also have "skier friends", or, as I like to call them, "friends". How do I know you're a bigot? I've been listening to you assholes on chairlifts for 25 years now. And much like your racist Grandma who's never going to think it's okay to marry "a black", until the skier master race that was alive when snowboarding showed up on the scene is dead, you're all never going to not be a skier bigot. You then go on to enumerate a tiny handful (and some of the more trivial) incredible contributions snowboarding has made to alpine sports in general, but trivialize them with a nice, pity three word paragraph closer. So let's just do a quick list of snowboarding contributions:
  • You mention twintip/fat, but leave out the most important thing that's happened to skiing since the mid 70s: CAMBER+SIDECUT. Anyone that doesn't think that Jurij Franko didn't draw from Peter Bauer and Jean Nerva laying it down to develop the Elan SCX is an idiot. Shit, the first models had pixel-style graphics reminiscent for Burton's PJ 7
  • Freeskiing/Superpipe/Slopewhatever. You remember freestyle skiing in the late 80s/early 90s? Me neither. Which leads to...
  • Terrain Parks, or as I like to call them, the Snowboarding Ghetto Projects of the 90's. Resort Owner: "We want their $, but we don't want them on the trails. I've got it! build a skate park out of snow on that flat area of the mountain with the shitty "gotta take at least 2, maybe 3 chairs to get there" lift service. They're just going to walk the pipe anyway. What? Build a 2-seater chair for them? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" But you know what? We just said "Fuck those guys", hiked the pipe, and then all of a sudden BAM! Terje Haakonsen. End of story.
  • Big backcountry air. I'm sorry, but if you look at the snowboarding videos of the early/mid 90's, boarders were going bigger in the backcountry, end of story. Matt Goodman is still my hero.
  • The year-round resort. Thanks, Mt Hood Glacier and Tim Windells.
  • Engaging another generation of alpine sport enthusiasts. Skiing had no fucking idea how to get kids interested in the 80s/90s. Were you going to mention Glen Plake? Shut up now. LOOK EVERYBODY, WARREN MILLER PUT A GUY WITH A MOHAWK IN ONE OF HIS VIDEOS! SO EDGY! Ohh, here comes the chairlift blooper reel! LOL, Classic.
I could go on, but why? Point proven. YOUR SPORT OWES MY SPORT FOR IT'S CURRENT SUCCESS. BE FUCKING GRATEFUL FOR A CHANGE. Back to the choice gems:
"But industrialized snowboarding hates diversity."
Funny, I don't seem to ever remember any snowboarding-only resorts. Oh, hey there, Alta & Mad River Glen, you elitist dickbags! Still keepin' that flame alive. Oh yeah, you too Deer Valley, but nobody cares that you can't figure out whether you want to be Alta or Aspen.
"Skiing is a way of life. There's a sinew to it that holds families and friends together."
Yep, you're a bigot. I bet only snowboarders support gay marriage too. "If we let them ride those things, what will they start riding next?! SNOWRHOMBUSES!?!?!?" But you keep telling stories about the stupidity you've seen at trade shows, because some of my best powder days have been had at convention centers. Or keep telling me stories about Sternoman, he sounds like a hoot! Heads up: YOUR NICKNAMES ARE BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.
"Skiing has proven to be bigger, faster, more efficient, and ultimately more welcoming than snowboarding."
Okay, let's just open up a browser here, type in "wikipedia.org", and search for the words "cognitive bias". Hmmm,  ...YEP. That thing, that's the thing we got going on in the main here.
"If, like skiing, the industry does a better job of making everybody feel comfortable..."
Not sure if I made this point clear before, so let me reiterate; YOU GUYS STILL, IN 2014, BAN SNOWBOARDERS FROM RESORTS. YOU ARE EXCLUSIONARY ASSHOLES, AND THE ONLY REASON YOU CAVED IN THE 90s WAS BECAUSE OF MARKET FORCES. "I'm a hater." Well, I do hate you. But you're really more of an... asshole? Elitist? Myopic, shitty writer? Nope, you're just a bigot.
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Bike commuting thoughts

I've wanted to write something about how my attitudes have evolved towards being a CYCLIST, and even more so a DAILY COMMUTER CYCLIST, but instead I just puked most of it out on some poor unsuspecting newb soul in a reddit comment thread. So here's some copypasta:
Wear a helmet. Always. Any reasons for not wearing a helmet fall in the same category as not wearing a condom for a one-nite-stand. AKA bad, stupid, reasons that are only going to screw you over in the long run. If your budget is limited, go to Goodwill, they have shitloads of helmets, always.
Get lights. It's getting lighter, but if you're heading home around 5 you will be riding in the dark for a few weeks here, and once again, no good reasons for not having them. I personally prefer a bright-as-fuck helmet-mount light so I can spotlight drivers that look like they're going to pull a stop-tional when crossing a bikeway. Don't skimp, get something bright, front and back.
There is mental adjustment to bike commuting that takes a bit, and different people make the adjustments different ways. Some look for the path of least resistance, aka lowest traffic routes. Some become shining paragons of traffic safety. And then some turn out like me; low level scofflaws. But here's my philosophy in a nutshell: NONE OF THE INFRASTRUCTURE YOU WILL BE RIDING ON WAS BUILT WITH YOU IN MIND, AND ALL OF THE BIKE INFRASTRUCTURE THAT EXISTS IN PDX IS A SHOEHORNED AFTERTHOUGHT. It's some of the best shoehorned afterthought in the nation, and I appreciate all of it. But really, most of the time, when there are conflicts with drivers, it's not really your fault, any more than it would be the fault of a Mormon for not having fun at a nightclub in Old Town. It's just not built with that in mind, yet the laws explicitly state that theya re your roads too. So when conflict arises, and if you ride long enough, it will, do not take it personally. Yes, that motorist may be an asshole, but he/she is just frustrated because everything he/she has been taught since 16 is being subtley fucked up by the ever-increasing amount of bikes on the road, and it's freakin' their minds, man. So, with that in mind, I'd suggest following two simple rules:
  • Be alert, because, for the most part, not being alert can get you killed, while only requiring a trip to Leif's for the other guy, and
  • Don't let the rules of the road/emotions and interactions of drivers force your decisions to keep yourself safe. I will put myself smack in the middle of a lane where there's no chance in hell I'm going to be able to keep up with traffic if A) the traffic behind me has plenty of time to see me and slow down, and B) by not doing so I might put myself in a position where once said traffic catches up to me, I might be in danger riding on the shoulder.
And they can keep honking all damn day. I am a cyclist honey badger.
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LOL Tum-Blahr

  2014-01-29 16_49_25-Tumblr achievement unlocked_ 5 posts on sirclicksalot - tbradford@gmail.com - Gm   Yeah, that's badge-worthy. Those engagement #'s starting to dip? Yeah, thought so.
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WWWow!

I still like the good ol' WWW. Why? Because of stuff like this: Dan's Data: PC Fan Maintanence This page fills me with joy and incredible sadness simultaneously. Joy, because I was looking at replacing a 70x70x25mm 4-pin case fan in my QNAP TS-219p Home NAS. For those of you who didn't just say "Wow, nice blog engagement writing there, dorkbot2million", IKNOW, RITE?! 70MM? 4-PIN? Whyyyyyyyy.... (Side note: I've had that QNAP 219p NAS for, jeez, 6 years? 7? QNAP is still releasing software and firmware updates for it. It's an Apache server, iSCSI host, media server, automatic bittorrent client, etc etc etc. It is, quite possibly, the best value, most underused piece of hardware I've ever bought). So all I had to do is Google "brushless fan repair", after some very dispirited searching for a replacement fan, and BANG! First link. "I've got 3-in-1 oil! Shit yeah, let's DO THIS!" Quiet as a mouse now. The sadness part is that I have swapped I-don't-know-how-many buzzing case fans in my day and chucked em in the garbage. I am so very sorry, untold hundreds of 80x80x20mm casefans. I didn't know any better.... But the greater point is this: you tell me the last time you saw content like this created on FB/Instagram/TheKnightsTumbelar. No, not linked there, generated there. Stackoverflow is probably the thing that most straddles the line of creating pre-made internet frameworks and actually useful info generation. But it's got nothing on this gem of a site. Thanks, Dan. Next PC I fix doing side freelancing, yr gettin' a donation  
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Sorry, Comcast. My bad.

So one of the heavy burdens of working in tech is that is if something technical (e.g. your home internet) stops working properly, you are obliged by that malformed part of your brain that got you into IT in the first place to figure out WHY.  This can lead to all kinds of silliness, and my garage workstation is a living testament to that. So when I was getting >50% ping loss over the last two days (read: flaky Netflix), I assumed that the unholy demon-spawn of media conglomeration, He Who Shall Not Be Named Except In The Title Of This Blog Post, was to blame. But I'll be hogtied with Cat5 cable if I can't answer "I've already tried that" to every question the poor Tier1 tech support soul is required to ask me when I call up customer support. So I go hunting. Ping from LAN. Ping from WLAN. Ping with 64k packets. Reboot various stuff. Ping from router. Pull the cable modem out, put it on the kitchen table and connect to it directly to check it's firmware. Plug it back in to it's unobtrusive spot in the living room, and connect directly to it in the cable-snarl-den in the garage where I do my best redditing. All the same results. I've got this. This will be the fastest tech support script read-through you've ever read, my call center friend. ipconfig /release /renew MY ASS, DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?!?!? And then... that little voice says... "You know, you crimped these cables yourself. Maybe, you know, just to be sure, you might want to, you know, maybe... ...recrimp them? With some new ethernet jack ends? Maybe?" ... GODDAMN IT. The greater point here though is this: we live in a complex era. I routinely dig into things I know nothing about, often with spectacularly bad results. And I get mad. Rage about poor construction/design/planning/etc. And occasionally I will call up that underpaid phone support person, and speak to them in a fashion that I would never speak to another person that is standing in front of me. Which is not cool, but as Jules says, "I'm tryin' real hard, Ringo". But here's my proposal to all of you: If all that was wrong with my network was a bad cable, well, that's on me, because I cabled my network. But I've seen the shit that happens in people's home networks. Cables mashed at a right angle so hard because they've been receiving the nervous kicks of a writer at his/her desk for 5+ years. Cable spaghetti so bad it would make an episode of Hoarders* recoil in horror. And the dust bunnies. Oh, the dust bunnies. So how many times do you think there's a support ticket with the note on it, multiple times, *CUSTOMER IS THREATENING TO CANCEL SERVICE IF ISSUE IS NOT RESOLVED TO THEIR SATISFACTION*. And the $12.85/hr cable tech goes onsite, and finds a Cat5 patch that has doubled as a scratching post for Cpt. Fluffernutter. They know the call history. They know they are in the physical presence of someone who views them as the corporeal embodiment of their frustration of the last two weeks. Their job is to fix the problem, but also, always, believe that bizarre American mantra of The customer is always right. You think they are going to tell you; "It was your cable the whole time, you dumbass"? Let me just say: FUCK COMCAST. Yes, I dislike them so much I've been giving them money for the better part of a decade (but internet only! HBO can get bent). And fuck many, many bad companies out there. And fuck their ass-tacular customer service. But before you get on the phone in a white-hot rage, just realize that shit is really complicated these days, and it's a miracle that anything works, ever. Which is the new American mantra I'm casting my vote for this election season.   *I do not know the name of the show, but I'm guessing you got what I was going for. Like I said, internet only (4 life).
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The 100-Acre Patriarchy

So Nate came down with a 101 fever yesterday. Which is sad, but no big whoop. This morning, he's still feelin' pretty crappy, so I get him snuggled in on the couch. He asks for a movie, of course, which would normally be verbotten in the AM. But child+fever=overly permissive parent, so off we go to Netflix. Much to my surprise, Disney has decided to allow The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh onto Netflix streaming. This is the one you remember if you're in the +30 age bracket, particularly this song: Well, Nate and I have been reading my original copy of the World of Pooh, which TMAoWtP hews to fairly closely. And as this is, in my grumbly Gen-X version of cultural superiority, the the only "true" version of that cognitively-challenged stuffed bear, so I start streaming it to the new chromecast (best X-Mas present. love it) while I make some oatmeal for breaky. After a bit, I overhear from the kitchen a scene where all the Usual Suspects are saying lines in series that are typical of their characters. And it hits me; Pooh=Lovable Idiot Savant Piglet=Loyal sidekick, but kind of a wuss Eeyore=Grump Owl=Pompous academic stuffed shirt Tigger=ADHD etc, etc, etc... However; Kanga=Mom. Just... Mom. Archetypal mother figure. No real personality, other than the characteristics that would would seek out if you wanted to create a 1950's Mom-Droid. And, of course, the only one in C. Robin's posse that's rockin' an XY combo. *sigh* This is not a denunciation of TMAoWtP. I let Nate watch the whole thing, and he loved it. The kids Ibuprofen coursing through his system helped too. But it's just a little sad when you realize that golden filter through which you view your childhood memories is actually made out of pervasive cultural disenfranchisement.
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initializing………

Ok, the number if ideas I've had for blog posts in the past few weeks has finally gotten to a critical mass that I must, I must, I must enhance my online presence with more time-sinks that very few, if any, will read. But I must share. So share I shall. The specific idea that prompted this post, and possibly broke the lazy dam, was spawned by this little exchange with my good buddy Brian Miller: SOCIAL MEDIA RUBE GOLDBERG? Brain, you crazy. Crazy awesome. (Thanks, now put more caffeine in me). I might hash this out more, might not, but off the top of my head I believe the rules would look something like...
  • All parts of the SMRGM must be consumer, hosted platforms: This blog, for example, would not be a valid component of my SMRGM, because even though it's hosted by Dreamhost, I have shell access to the WP install. If I were hosted on WordPress.com, play ball.
  • Connecting platforms via backend APIs and or extending platform functionality is fine, as long as you, or anyone else do not need to write/use anything custom to do so. So using WordPress would be OK, but using 3rd-party WP plugins, X.
  • No custom scripting: In the same vein, no Greasemonkey scripts, IFTTT, javascript, etc etc etc.
  • The SMRGM "ball" can be anything, but it must be accessible in it's entirety at any one point in the SMRGM with no more than one click. So if the "ball" is a blog post, which gets posted to Twitter, if the link in the tweet goes directly to the blog post, it's acceptable. An instagram post that is an image of the blug URL would be unacceptable. HOWEVER, it does not have to remain in the same digital format (text, image, code, etc), and style points will be awarded for transforms.
  • Likewise, all pieces in the SMRGM must be social platforms. This is not to say their primary focus has to be social interaction; GitHub would be totally acceptable. But the "ball" can never leave to go to a platform that does not have some of the common aspects of online social platforms, which the core would be:
    • Open public enrollment
    • Public engagement (likes, comments, etc)
    • Publicly view-able
  • Scoring would be based on number of "mechanisms" in the SMRGM, but there would also be a heavy emphasis placed on creativity, subtext, juxtaposition, and overall cleverness.
Goddamn. This sound time consuming. Both to do and judge. But fun.
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XKCD needs to do some clever comic..

...about the inevitable 1.5+ year pause in personal blogs. Maybe something about the percentage of re-engagement.
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Apropos of my last post…

Now I'm not trying to assign any kind of moral certainty to the evernts of the last couple of days, but if you are going to be this guy, this week would be the week to be this guy. On Youtube.
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  • Leitmotifs

  • Golden Oldies